GUILT - do one.

After crying for about the 5^th time this weekend over the fact I have to go back to work on Monday after 6 weeks off (I work in a term-time nursery) and Isaac is back at the childminders, I’ve decided enough is enough. The guilt has got to stop!

It’s plagued me ever since I found out I was pregnant, NOTHING I’ve done is ever good enough (purely my own stupid opinion). Quick picture:  I was living in Sheffield, planning my May wedding when I found out my Dad was terminally ill. We frantically moved the wedding forward to February and 3 weeks after Christmas I found out I was pregnant. After the wedding, my Dad got worse, I quit my job and moved home (Teesside) without a second thought. My dad passed away and my husband moved back in the April. By now I’m 3 months pregnant, lost my Dad and neither me nor my husband have jobs. My genius other half got himself a job after only a month of being here, low wage as a work your way up job (and he’s doing AMAZING). I signed on for the duration of my pregnancy, genuinely applying for every job ever, to no avail. When I could, I took Maternity allowance. You can imagine this was tough – we had just paid for a wedding, with less time than we thought, we had literally not a penny to begin with – and with a baby on the way we had a lot to pay for. Credit cards etc did the job for us and got us through.  

I started applying for jobs when baby was 7 months old I was offered one when he was 9 months old – with immediate start. Luckily there was only 4 weeks until the 6 week hols. I had an amazing family who offered to help with the childcare initially and then I had a fab 6 weeks with my baby again. When September came, my Mam went part time and has Isaac on a Monday and Friday and he goes to childminders 8.30-5.00 the other 3 days. I have to work full time, not just to pay for the here and now, but to pay for the hard times of the last 2 years.

I hate that he’s with other people 5 days a week – not even a few hours its ALL day. I’ve properly been judged for it as well. I wanted to paint the picture, not for any sympathy (this is the worst), but to make it clear I had no choice – I still have no choice, BUT my nursery takes from 2 years old so immediately on his 2^nd birthday HES COMING WITH ME!! – I’m so excited but believe it or not I’ve been judged for this too – “oh do you think that’s a good idea?!” “oh will it not conflict with your job?” I’m usually very polite but what I actually want to say there’s too many expletives to write here.

Now for the guilt – I had a LOT to prove once my Dad died – there was no expectation it was only me I was proving it too. I can see now (it’s taken long enough) that I put so much pressure on myself to keep everyone together that I didn’t realise I was falling apart – this baby inside me was my families only hope – without Isaac (and everyone said it) we’d of all fell apart. I had 2 panic attacks when I was pregnant (never had them before I honestly thought I was dying). When I was induced and no one told me what was happening (a whole other story!) I had 2 panic attacks again.

After I had Isaac I couldn’t breastfeed – fellow Mammas will know you have HELL to pay when this happens – so there was guilt on top of guilt. There isn’t a day goes by when I don’t feel guilty. This is part and parcel of being a Mum, I know this, I prepared for this. But I should be feeling guilty for him not getting his five a day/shouting at him once/not getting him something he wanted – not for things I have no control over.

So there’s my story guilt. It’s not my fault. He only had 3 veg today I’ll give you that one, but the rest you can DO ONE. He's fine. I've worked full time for a year now and he's absolutely fine, he loves me and I love him, regardless if I'm working or not. It’s took me two years but I finally believe I’m killing parenting right now.  He’s happy, healthy and bloody hilarious. He’s a star and I swear he’s taught me more about myself than I ever would have known. (He’s also a lot harder than me he wouldn’t cry like a baby over crap like this – he got stung by a wasp today and barely flinched).

Hosting a party on a budget - TIPS!

I recently held a party and I had amazing feedback that everyone enjoyed it. I wanted to host a garden party as I’d spent most of the summer planting and growing and I’ll be honest, I just wanted to show it off!

As my friends know, I’m ALWAYS skint, so it was a party on a budget, but I honestly think it didn’t seem that way and I’ve got pretty good at making do – so I thought I’d share some ideas for party hosting in your home..

1. Bunting makes everything look 100% party ready (without the need for balloons) – I already had 10 metres of fabric bunting I’d made for my wedding, but if you just have fabric anyway, it’s REALLY easy to make (I literally just cut out fabric triangles and sewed them on a ribbon – I’m horrendous at sewing so if I can do it, anyone can)

2.DOILIES - I put them under.everything on the drinks table and I think it definitely ‘prettied’ it up. Any flowers/small plants/pretty trinkets and pots you have lying around – pop them around where the guests will be looking, e.g. the drinks and food table, it instantly looks like you’ve made an effort.

                                                                 

3.As does putting the food on plates/bowls/trays – basically anything glass or pot – rather than in the tubs/boxes etc

4.  Food-wise I’m an absolute sucker for a buffet. I LOVE them. When I host parties I tend to go massively overboard on the buffet – I’m talking quiche/sarnies/potato wedges/crisps of all kinds/cakes/scones/sausage rolls/burgers/biscuits,/pie/Indian selection/Chinese selection…the list is endless. This time I decided I would do two general things and just do a variety to save money – so I went for cakes and sandwiches. My family are mainly veggies, I would ordinarily do meat and veggie sarnies – but I decided to do only veggie then everyone can eat them (theres pennies saved) – and cakes wise I would have made some but it was actually cheaper to buy the cakes than all the ingredients. I shop at Aldi (no-one at the party noticed!) – for example I got 16 cupcakes for £3.99 and Aldi versions of French Fancies for 99p a box (There is NO DIFFERENCE). As a bonus, my Mam brought scones and some other guests brought crisps! As you can see, the table doesn’t exactly look empty! – The sausage rolls were an added extra I decided to make in a panic (they weren’t necessary!) they are also veggie to cater for everyone.

                                           

5.Drinks – I was looking up cocktail recipes for ages – then I realised I should actually check what’s in the booze cupboard and work around that – I had a full bottle vodka! So I decided to do just a vodka cocktail – I chose the ‘Smirnoff summer punch’ - https://uk.thebar.com/recipe/smirnoff-summer-punch . So all I needed to actually buy was the ginger beer as I already had everything else! For the non-drinkers I wanted  to make a mocktail but it was going to work out really expensive as they all contain so many ingredients. Then some drinks in Aldi caught my eye – they had a special offer limited edition summer drinks section with loads of different flavours – 1ltr for 49p! I chose the Strawberry and Lychee fizz – I bought 5 litres and filled the drinks container with frozen fruit – it looked fab and tasted like I’d totally made it myself! Everyone brought wine as a hosting gift so that wasn’t a problem for anyone who wanted something else to drink – and for the ones who wanted tea and coffee I just made up a teapot of each a couple of times throughout the day – this freed up my ‘mingling’ time and everyone could help themselves as much as they would like. I also didn’t buy ice – I borrowed ice trays and I already had some of those disposable ice bags you fill up

6.     I am a HUGE fan of chalk paint – I mean actual blackboard paint as well as the up-cycling furniture stuff. I have a blackboard on my kitchen wall usually reserved for shopping lists, but for the party I created a design I found on Pinterest to add to the decoration. With the the leftover paint I had from a while pack, I painted some bits of cardboard from Bubs craft drawer, hole punched and added string. I’ve now got versatile bunting I change for any occasion – I made two, one saying ‘party’ and one ‘cheers’ for above the drinks table.

                            
7.BORROW – I asked around for days for a Gazebo to borrow and eventually I was lent two! There’s always someone! Same with chairs! Don’t go out and buy emergency chairs – everyone has chairs!! Just be prepared to do a couple of trips there and back for borrowing some! Other items I borrowed include a ladel (!), a picnic blanket and cake stand.
8. Shop around – it sounds ridiculous but I must have went in about 20 shops looking for a bargain when it came to plastic cups – I could have borrowed them in hindsight but I’m the clumsiest person and I’d feel awful if I broke peoples glasses. I looked in Wilkinson’s and it was £1.49 for 10. Then some glasses caught my eye – they were on a special offer 6 for 50p. Not even joking! So I bought 2 boxes of these instead – and now I get to reuse them! £1 for 6 glasses – and they are decent too! Shopping around pays off!

                           

I hope you can get even just one idea for saving money hosting a party – it doesn’t have to be stressful, I gave myself time to plan, shop around and make things and everyone had a fab time! On a side note, I’m honestly not sponsored by Aldi I just LOVE the place haha!!                                                       

Real Talk Time

So I started a blog, I thought of a fancy pants blog name, I racked my brain thinking of blogger things to write about...and then I sacked it off as it was shit.
I want to write, I've always wanted to write but I'm going to write about the one thing I have a lot to say about... REAL LIFE.
A bit about me first ... I can come off harsh - example I have been known to call my bundle of joy 'an arsehole' (not to his face I must add) - I had a face of horror and a comment of "I'm so glad you said that, I've always wanted to say that". I'm sarcastic and mardy but I promise its jokes (80%!)
I'm a big fan of sharing the shit times. I love a glam blog, I wish I could write a glam blog but I'm not that person. I intend to write about real life experiences (the good and the bad), the reality of toddlers and I'll freely admit probably a few times as I go - being a Mum can be HARD.
Today's been an awesome day - I can hand on heart say my 22 month old has been an angel baby today. He's stroked my hair and leg a thousand times saying, "ahh Mammy", he's ate all his dinner and tea (I have to stress this has not happened in at least 2 weeks) and he even asked for his nappy changed after a poo (GENIUS KID).
That's not to say today still hasn't been a minor struggle - I've been aware all day to limit tv time/get off my phone/ tell him I love him/tell him hes good/count his 5 a day/keep him from harm - the general everyday concept of being in a charge of a small person is bloody scary even 22 months later.
I wish I'd decided to do this blog a month back after a particularly 'hilarious' (it was awful) swimming experience - but I'm fairly confident there'll be 100 more 'funny' experiences along the way...
I'm constantly commenting on how much I hate the judgemental world of Mums - the perfect insta Mums, the 'I know EVERYTHING' Mums and *duhn duhn duhn...* the breast brigade - but I actually love being in the "we're in it together, you can do this" Mum club ...

If you've had a bad day... you can DO THIS!

"Being a mother is learning about the strengths you didn't know you'd need and the fears you didn't know you had" - Unknown
xxx